Out There!

The release of the Studio Cast Recording of the Hunchback of Notre Dame has consumed my ears for the week and two days that it’s been out. I have always been a fan of the movie and when I found out that they had made a stage version, I was ecstatic. (I have the goal to read the book this year. The unabridged version. If you know anything about Victor Hugo, you know that this is going to be something!)

I might be wrong, but this is how I see one of the production choices and I love it. Quasimodo in the book and other versions of the film is not as eloquent as he appears in the 1996 Disney film voiced by Tom Hulce. So in the stage version, voice by the amazing Michael Arden, when Quasimodo is interacting with others, he has a more Quasimodo-esque voice. But when he is alone his inner voice comes out and is beautiful.

If there was a Disney character that I would equivocate myself to, in all honesty, it would be Quasimodo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. (Like Quasimodo in the movie, I had a crush on Esmeralda. One of my many animated crushes!)

One of the many reasons I love this movie was the music by Alan Menken and the lyrics by Stephen Schwartz. There are so many great songs. I love love love the Bells of Notre Dame. It’s so beautiful and intricate. The riddle set forth: Who is the monster and who is the man?! In the stage version it was changed to: What makes a monster and what makes a man? I loved God Help the Outcasts. Esmeralda’s prayer is so profound. (Stephen Schwartz is amazing with lyrics like that, also in The Prince of Egypt, but I may talk about that in another post). Out There is amazing and a great song to just belt out with in the car! There are a lot of new songs for the stage version that are just as equally beautiful and powerful!

Having been enthralled with the new soundtrack and having just recently re-watched the movie, the song that I realized that resonated with me the most was Heaven’s Light.

So many times out here

I've watched a happy pair

Of lovers walking in the night

They had a kind of glow around them

It almost looked like heaven's light

I knew I'd never know

That warm and loving glow

Though I might wish with all my might

No face as hideous as my face

Was ever meant for heaven's light

This first part of the song is where he realizes what he sees and the fact that he has accepted that it wasn’t meant for him because of what he believed himself to be, based mostly on what his master told him and how the public treated him.

But suddenly an angel has smiled at me

And touched my face without a trace of fright

I dare to dream that she

Might even care for me

And as I ring these bells tonight

My cold dark tower seems so bright

I swear it must be heaven's light

But the second half of the song has him turn hopeful because of the actions of Esmeralda. His hope for seeing what others enjoyed could be his.

Later on Quasimodo has a reprise of this song.

I knew I'd never know

That warm and loving glow

Though I might wish with all my might

No face as hideous as my face

Was ever meant for heaven's light

He repeats these words when he sees Esmeralda kissing Phoebus. His hopes dashed and his heart hurting in pieces.

I’m sure that I have mentioned that I have self-image issues. Not sure where they stem from, probably just living in the world at this time, plus other stuff, but I don’t see myself as particularly attractive. There are times when I see a glimpse of me in the mirror and think that, yes, I am an attractive person, but that doesn’t happen that much. So I have come to accept that ‘no face as hideous as mine was ever meant for heaven’s light.”

I have had many girls that I have found very attractive. I have even gotten brave enough to ask some of them out. But very often I am not their type, but I am friends with their type and they ask me to help set them up. As if the friend zone wasn’t bad enough, imagine being told no, but fix me up with that cute friend of yours.

I do remember that in my few and very brief relationships that I felt that glow of heaven’s light. Then for most of them, and for many varied reasons, I would end it after a week or so. I guess feeling anxious about relationship and not up to everything it required were not good reasons to call it off because words were not always kind after the split.

My most recent relationship has lasted the longest and was probably the best that I could ever hope for. I was washed in heaven’s light and excited to see her and spend time with her. It was amazing how even after she found out about my SGA, that we were able to work things through. But when I ended it, it wasn’t in the best way possible, and I have learned from that experience. I am ever so grateful that she and I have remained friends.

But I am back in the same boat where I feel like I don’t deserve to be in a relationship not just because of my looks, but with the whole package that makes me up. It’s hard to want to have someone accept all of me when I have a hard enough time accepting myself. It’s just easier to just not.

In the stage version, Quasimodo’s reprise of Heaven’s Light takes place during the song In a Place of Miracles. And his lines get extended while Esmeralda and Phoebus sing together. But he says:

This time it’s time I learned

No love will be returned

To one who’s born to be alone

Who looks both laughable and fright’ning

And now I know there’ll be no miracles for me

Better to have a heart of stone

That holds no hope of heaven’s light

I’m not saying that I am at that point, but I can understand and these feelings resonate within me so well. Sometimes it’s better not to try so that I don’t get hurt. I know that life wasn’t supposed to be easy, but I can get so tired from trying to play the game of dating and the politics that go into it. It’s much easier just being friends.

Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to go OUT THERE and find HEAVEN’S LIGHT!

God Bless! Until Next Time!