Saturday, October 31, 2015

My Halloween Costume!



This year I chose to do my own take on a classic costume. I call him Bro-thy Gale.
Something that you need to understand about me is that I am a big fan of anything OZ! The books, movie, musicals, spin-offs, miniseries, I’m there and in love with it all. And for the most part it has all been good. L. Frank Baum has created a masterpiece in and of itself. That’s not even looking at all the political stuff that is represented on its pages.
But why a boy form of Dorothy Gale? And where did I get such an idea?
Well the idea came during one of my night classes. I was bored out of my mind so I started to think about what I could be for Halloween. My thoughts turned to Dorothy and I thought what if I did a modern boy version of Dorothy. I could call him Bro-thy (or Brorothy) and his catch phrase would be, “Dat Witch be crazy!” (We’ll get into my perceived Blackness another day!)
The idea of Dorothy Gale in search of her home while in a strange land and helping friends with their goals in pursuit of her own has always been so cool to me. We are on our own journey and searching for our home… where we feel comfortable. I know that my home is with God. But we can experiences pieces of home while we are here on earth. That’s why we get to live in families and have our own, to simulate what it was like in heaven. I am able to feel that in my own home in Nebraska, because it is a building/ haven where the Spirit dwells. But what I have found out more than anything else is that it is the people that make a home a home, not the building. And that feeling extends beyond just family. I have had many friends that have helped me feel at home, and therefore feel like family.
Neal A. Maxwell said, “Friends, like family, are forever.” I believe that to be true!
It would be almost pointless for me to try and list everyone who has made a difference in my life and have become family. The list would go on and on, and knowing my memory, I will likely forget someone… or lots o’ someones. But I am grateful for the people that have made my journey well worth it.
One of the things that drove the point that I can feel at home, not bearing on where I was, be with whom I was is the song You are My Home from the musical The Scarlet Pimpernel! (This is my song with my older sister. It’s perfect for our relationship.) But in the musical it is between a sister and brother who have been through a lot growing up and they realized that no matter what, if they had each other, they would be home. *Give it a listen if you don’t know what I am talking about* It is the people in my life that help me feel pieces from my home above.
If I could embody some of the things that Dorothy Gale represents, I feel like I would be on a good path. (This is looking at her through L. Frank Baum’s eyes, although Gregory Maguire didn’t really paint her in a bad light, and I haven’t read very many other books about her) But she seemed honest and innocent and well-meaning in all that she did. The fact that she tried to help her companions on their quest speaks volumes about her character and her upbringing.
This journey that we are on, although it is an individual one in many aspects, is meant to be shared! We can all become better if we just try and learn how to love and help one another. There was a line from a hymn that kept replaying in my mind. I was around people talking about another person. This person that they were talking about has recently opened up to me about some personal things about how tough their life really is. It’s not my place to tell their story to others, but all I thought was “In the quiet heart is hidden Sorrow that the eye can’t see.” (Lord, I would Follow Thee, Hymn №220) Because I was privileged to their story I knew that those people would regret what they were saying if they knew. How often do I say something about people without knowing the full story? Too many times to count.
Learn to share your journey and find the pieces of home in this life!
And remember, “Dat Witch be crazy!”
God bless, until next time!

Thursday, October 29, 2015

First Post: My Reasoning



Welcome to my blog. Enjoy the ride that is my brain/ thoughts.
I have decided to start a blog about me and my journey.
It may be a blog full of rants and complaining because I have no one to turn to truly express myself fully. I feel that I can explain myself a lot better through writing. Things sometimes make more sense when I see it in print. But I will also have positive things to post. My life is not as woeful as I make it out to be. I have much to be grateful for. But there are things that happen to me that I want to share and let people in. I believe that understanding each other is one of the best things that we can do in this world. I just wish to provide an opportunity for people to understand me better and hopefully be able to understand others.
I'm calling my blog The Wizard and I. If you don't know what this is, I feel sorry for you, but it's the title of a song from the musical Wicked where Elphaba express that she doesn't know why she is green or has magical powers, but with the Wizard's help, she can get fixed. But over time she learns to embrace her traits and become who she is known for, the Wicked Witch of the West.
Not unlike Elphaba, I have traits that baffle and confuse me. I deal with Same Gender Attraction and am not exactly sure why I have to deal with this in this life. To what end? Is it for my whole life? Will it continue after this life? I have ideas or theories, but they are just that. I do believe that this is my cross to bear in this life, and that it will help me more than anything else to become like my Savior and Father in Heaven.
One of the theories that I have shared with others that has rung true within myself is that in the premortal existence, Heavenly Father and I were talking and I knew and He knew that I was going to have to deal with Same Gender Attraction in this life. He told me that it wouldn’t be easy but that He knew I could handle it. Because of His confidence in me I came to know for myself that I would be triumphant. Since then I have the Veil placed over me and am having to regain that confidence in myself, but I know that He still has it in me.
Honestly, Elphaba’s hopes to get fixed by association with the Wizard, has my relationship with God for a while, that with His help I would get fixed. This could be through my good deeds or by being perceived as being a good boy by others. By being a righteous disciple I would be rewarded with my attraction dwindling. Often I thought, “If I am so good, as others say, why do I feel so bad and horrible?” There have been many nights spent earnestly pleading that this burden be lifted from me. That I may learn the lesson I am to learn and end this trial once and for all. This hasn’t been the case and I am starting to understand that it isn’t going to be.
Elphaba took the things that she was given and tried to use them for good, no matter what others said. She tried to be true to herself and help those who she cared about. I am trying to do that right now, learning to embrace what I have been given. I am trying to use the experiences and lessons I have learned and see how I can help bless the lives of others with it. I have come to appreciate people who are trying to become better, for we are all beggars before God. But I have come to find ways to love people. It is not easy, but it is worth it if I humble myself.
It has been a trip since coming out on Facebook in July. (Only 3 months I know… there are many more to come!) People were very supportive when I did that. I was congratulated on being so brave and for having a great testimony or always being a great example of a man of faith. I have experienced a lot of ups and downs since then. People are still supportive and understanding. But there are weeks where I feel on top of my game and other weeks where I feel like crawling under a rock to hide myself from the face of God because I didn’t discourage thoughts and emotions on my part.
In His infinite goodness and mercy God keeps blessing me. He has blessed me with so many wonderful family members and friends. I am working on reaching out more in my hour of need. I have been blessed with their insights and have seem my own attitude change because of reaching out. I have been able to be an instrument in His hand and bless the lives of others and hope to continue to do so.
Elphaba’s hopes on the Wizard didn’t pan out like she wanted them to. *Spoiler Alert* But I am confident that if I stick with God and do my part that I will come out triumphant over all weaknesses I have in this life, for with God all things can become strong.